Subversion-Projekte lars-tiefland.laravel_shop

<?php

namespace Faker\Provider\en_US;

class Text extends \Faker\Provider\Text

{

    /**

     * Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll

     *

     * This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with

     * almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or

     * re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included

     * with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org

     *

     *

     * Title: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

     *

     * Author: Lewis Carroll

     *

     * Posting Date: June 25, 2008 [EBook #11]

     * Release Date: March, 1994

     * [Last updated: December 20, 2011]

     *

     * Language: English

     *

     *

     * *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND ***

     *

     * ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND

     *

     * Lewis Carroll

     *

     * THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0

     *

     * @see http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/11/pg11.txt

     *

     * @var string

     */

    protected static $baseText = <<<'EOT'

CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the

bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the

book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in

it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or

conversations?'

So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the

hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure

of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and

picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran

close by her.

There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so

VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear!

Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it

occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time

it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH

OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,

Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had

never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch

to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field

after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large

rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how

in the world she was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then

dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think

about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep

well.

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had

plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was

going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what

she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she

looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with

cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures

hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as

she passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great

disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear

of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as

she fell past it.

'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall

think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at

home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top

of the house!' (Which was very likely true.)

Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I wonder how

many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting

somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four

thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several

things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this

was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there

was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over)

'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude

or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or

Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)

Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the

earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with

their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad

there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the

right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country

is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and

she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling

through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an

ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to

ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began

talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!'

(Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at

tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no

mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very

like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice

began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy

sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do

bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question,

it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing

off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with

Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth:

did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon

a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.

Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:

she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another

long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it.

There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and

was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears

and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close behind it when she

turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found

herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging

from the roof.

There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when

Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every

door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to

get out again.

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid

glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's

first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall;

but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small,

but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second

time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and

behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the

little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!

Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not

much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage

into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of

that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and

those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the

doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it

would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could

shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only knew how to begin.'

For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,

that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really

impossible.

There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went

back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at

any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this

time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here

before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper

label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large

letters.

It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was

not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and

see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice

little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild

beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember

the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot

poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your

finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never

forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is

almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.

However, this bottle was NOT marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste

it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour

of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot

buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.

  *    *    *    *    *    *    *

    *    *    *    *    *    *

  *    *    *    *    *    *    *

'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up like a

telescope.'

And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face

brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going

through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she

waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:

she felt a little nervous about this; 'for it might end, you know,' said

Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder

what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a

candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember

ever having seen such a thing.

After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going

into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the

door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she

went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach

it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her

best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery;

and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing

sat down and cried.

'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself,

rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally

gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),

and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into

her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having

cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,

for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.

'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people!

Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!'

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:

she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words

'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said

Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it

makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll

get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!'

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which

way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was

growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same

size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice

had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way

things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on

in the common way.

So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.

  *    *    *    *    *    *    *

    *    *    *    *    *    *

  *    *    *    *    *    *    *

CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears

'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that

for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); 'now I'm

opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!'

(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of

sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder

who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure

_I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble

myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;--but I must be

kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way I want

to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'

And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 'They must

go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll seem, sending

presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!

     ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.

       HEARTHRUG,

         NEAR THE FENDER,

           (WITH ALICE'S LOVE).

Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'

Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was

now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden

key and hurried off to the garden door.

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to

look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more

hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.

'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like

you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this

moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of

tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches

deep and reaching half down the hall.

After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and

she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White

Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in

one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great

hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess!

Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so

desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit

came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you please, sir--'

The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan,

and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she

kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 'Dear, dear! How

queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.

I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the

same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a

little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who

in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking

over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to

see if she could have been changed for any of them.

'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long

ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't

be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a

very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling

it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me

see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and

four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!

However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.

London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and

Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for

Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' and she crossed her

hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it,

but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the

same as they used to do:--

     'How doth the little crocodile

      Improve his shining tail,

     And pour the waters of the Nile

      On every golden scale!

     'How cheerfully he seems to grin,

      How neatly spread his claws,

     And welcome little fishes in

      With gently smiling jaws!'

'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes

filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and

I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to

no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've

made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no

use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I

shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then,

if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here

till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst

of tears, 'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired

of being all alone here!'

As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see

that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while

she was talking. 'How CAN I have done that?' she thought. 'I must

be growing small again.' She got up and went to the table to measure

herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now

about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found

out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped

it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.

'That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the

sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; 'and

now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door:

but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was

lying on the glass table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,'

thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never!

And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'

As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash!

she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she

had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by

railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in

her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go

to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the

sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row

of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon

made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she

was nine feet high.

'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying

to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by

being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure!

However, everything is queer to-day.'

Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way

off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought

it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small

she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had

slipped in like herself.

'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse?

Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very

likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.' So she

began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired

of swimming about here, O Mouse!' (Alice thought this must be the right

way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but

she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of

a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather

inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes,

but it said nothing.

'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I daresay it's

a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all

her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago

anything had happened.) So she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which

was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a

sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.

'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt

the poor animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'

'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. 'Would

YOU like cats if you were me?'

'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be angry

about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd

take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet

thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the

pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and

washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's

such a capital one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried

Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she

felt certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any

more if you'd rather not.'

'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his

tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED

cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'

'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of

conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' The Mouse did not

answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is such a nice little dog near

our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you

know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when

you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts

of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer,

you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He

says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful

tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming

away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in

the pool as it went.

So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we

won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the

Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its

face was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low

trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my

history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'

It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the

birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo,

a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the

way, and the whole party swam to the shore.

CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale

They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the

birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close

to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.

The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a

consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural

to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had

known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the

Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, 'I am older than

you, and must know better'; and this Alice would not allow without

knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its

age, there was no more to be said.

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,

called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you

dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse

in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt

sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.

'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This

is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William

the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted

to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much

accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of

Mercia and Northumbria--"'

'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.

'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: 'Did

you speak?'

'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.

'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar,

the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand,

the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"'

'Found WHAT?' said the Duck.

'Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what

"it" means.'

'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the

Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the

archbishop find?'

The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, '"--found

it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the

crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his

Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning

to Alice as it spoke.

'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't seem to

dry me at all.'

'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I move

that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic

remedies--'

'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half

those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And

the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds

tittered audibly.

'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that

the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'

'What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,

but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak,

and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as

you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell

you how the Dodo managed it.)

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the exact

shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed

along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, two, three, and

away,' but they began running when they liked, and left off when they

liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However,

when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again,

the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded

round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?'

This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,

and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead

(the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures

of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said,

'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.'

'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.

'Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger;

and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused

way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her

pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had

not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one

a-piece all round.

'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.

'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have you got in

your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.

'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.

'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.

Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly

presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant

thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave

that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything

to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she

could.

The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and

confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste

theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.

However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and

begged the Mouse to tell them something more.

'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why

it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it

would be offended again.

'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and

sighing.

'It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at

the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling

about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was

something like this:--

         'Fury said to a

         mouse, That he

        met in the

       house,

     "Let us

      both go to

       law: I will

        prosecute

         YOU.--Come,

           I'll take no

           denial; We

          must have a

        trial: For

      really this

     morning I've

    nothing

    to do."

     Said the

      mouse to the

       cur, "Such

        a trial,

         dear Sir,

            With

          no jury

        or judge,

       would be

      wasting

      our

      breath."

       "I'll be

        judge, I'll

         be jury,"

            Said

         cunning

          old Fury:

          "I'll

          try the

            whole

            cause,

              and

           condemn

           you

          to

           death."'

'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 'What are you

thinking of?'

'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to the fifth

bend, I think?'

'I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.

'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking

anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'

'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking

away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'

'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended,

you know!'

The Mouse only growled in reply.

'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the

others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook

its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.

'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite

out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her

daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose

YOUR temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little

snappishly. 'You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!'

'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing

nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'

'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the

Lory.

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:

'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you

can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,

she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'

This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the

birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very

carefully, remarking, 'I really must be getting home; the night-air

doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to

its children, 'Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!'

On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.

'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy

tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best

cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you

any more!' And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very

lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard

a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up

eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming

back to finish his story.

CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill

It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking

anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard

it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh

my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are

ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a

moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,

and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were

nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in

the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door,

had vanished completely.

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and

called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing

out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!

Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once

in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it

had made.

'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How

surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him

his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she

came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass

plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without

knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the

real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the

fan and gloves.

'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for

a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she

began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come

here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute,

nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't

think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it

began ordering people about like that!'

By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table

in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs

of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,

and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little

bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time

with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it

to her lips. 'I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said

to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what

this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really

I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had

drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,

and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put

down the bottle, saying to herself 'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't

grow any more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't

drunk quite so much!'

Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,

and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there

was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with

one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.

Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out

of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself 'Now I

can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'

Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,

and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there

seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room

again, no wonder she felt unhappy.

'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't

always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and

rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and

yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what

CAN have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that

kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!

There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I

grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful

tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.'

'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am

now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman--but

then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!'

'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you learn

lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all

for any lesson-books!'

And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making

quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard

a voice outside, and stopped to listen.

'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!'

Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was

the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the

house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large

as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.

Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as

the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,

that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself 'Then I'll

go round and get in at the window.'

'THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied

she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her

hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything,

but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass,

from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a

cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.

Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And

then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging

for apples, yer honour!'

'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! Come and

help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)

'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'

'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.')

'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole

window!'

'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'

'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'

There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers

now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at

all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her

hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were

TWO little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of

cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do

next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm

sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'

She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a

rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices

all talking together: she made out the words: 'Where's the other

ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill!

fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em

together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll

do well enough; don't be particular--Here, Bill! catch hold of this

rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming

down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I

fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I

won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to

go down the chimney!'

'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to

herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in

Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but

I THINK I can kick a little!'

She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited

till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was)

scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,

saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to

see what would happen next.

The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!'

then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then

silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold up his head--Brandy

now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell

us all about it!'

Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' thought

Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm

a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me

like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'

'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.

'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called

out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!'

There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, 'I

wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the

roof off.' After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and

Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A barrowful will do, to begin with.'

'A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt,

for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the

window, and some of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,'

she said to herself, and shouted out, 'You'd better not do that again!'

which produced another dead silence.

Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into

little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her

head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make

SOME change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must

make me smaller, I suppose.'

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she

began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through

the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little

animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was

in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it

something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she

appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself

safe in a thick wood.

'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered

about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second

thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be

the best plan.'

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply

arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea

how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among

the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a

great hurry.

An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and

feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 'Poor little thing!'

said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but

she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be

hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of

all her coaxing.

Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and

held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off

all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick,

and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,

to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the

other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head

over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was

very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every

moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then

the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very

little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely

all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with

its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she

set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and

till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.

'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant

against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the

leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if--if I'd

only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that

I've got to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it to be managed? I

suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great

question is, what?'

The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at

the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that

looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.

There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as

herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and

behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what

was on the top of it.

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the

mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,

that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long

hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.

CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence:

at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed

her in a languid, sleepy voice.

'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,

rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know

who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been

changed several times since then.'

'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain

yourself!'

'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not

myself, you see.'

'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.

'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely,

'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many

different sizes in a day is very confusing.'

'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.

'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you

have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then

after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little

queer, won't you?'

'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.

'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know

is, it would feel very queer to ME.'

'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are YOU?'

Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.

Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY

short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think,

you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'

'Why?' said the Caterpillar.

Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any

good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant

state of mind, she turned away.

'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something important

to say!'